Wednesday, December 12th 2012
12-12-12
Special repeating day. Yeah, this is the last day of having the same
date, month and year or might be either hours, minutes, and seconds. This
irreplaceable day should be colored by the unforgettable memories also. Full of
joy and happiness. No more pain, apprehensive, anxiety and such a being alone
feeling. None people has a willingness to fulfill this day by having a serious
problem either with their friend’s or their couple’s –if they have it-.
Everybody wants the best. Nothing could be compare with what they feel. Worry
and being afraid have been utterly blocked by the receptor neuron before those
feeling arrived at the brain as the main control of the system. Their heart
regularly will beat faster and cause a feeling of fully excited in their mind.
Shallow heart has been replaced by the new one, which always shine its light
and reinforce the owner suddenly when darkness wraps theirs.
All above what I explain there are my wish for this great day. No
pain anymore. But, neither some affections or love feeling I feel, painful and
itchy around my body hug me tightly instead. I do never hope for this, swear.
But, God knows more about me. His gift today made me remember of Him more than
the day before today. I prayed more to The One that I can count on only for my
better condition. The One that I always grateful to because of my colorful day
He deserve to me every day. What I feel now has made me could not enjoy this
valuable time with my beloved roommate. I do really miss them. But this itch are
the resistance! It keeps me apart from them. Isolated. No physically contact
either by things or skin directly. I got such a skin problem seriously this
day. Doctor has decided it in a piece of paper, called receipt, some medicines
as the solution of my whole worry in all around of my body. This situation has
turned my usually mood, feeling excited and greatly happy, into something bad I
do never want to deserve it. Depressed, stressed and bored are the one who
surround me this time. As I told you before, I have to live with this feel
today.
Out there, I see pupils released their enjoyment and no more shed of
tears colored their face. Running and chasing each other, they don’t know what
I feel. I’d like to join with them just to free my mind from any apprehension
accompany me along this day. This itchy has done it. It always shadowed me whenever
and wherever I belong. Neither seconds I take my breath without its present. I
need a great struggle to keep me strong from its effect I could not refuse. My
time is running out by thinking of it and trying to leave all of this amazing
itchy. I want to be free, free from its effect, free from everything that has
made this day become such a nightmare for me. The darkest nightmare I ever did.
Please, I need someone who is able to provide their hands to lift up my heart
from its dark and deepest depressing. Someone who is able to raise me up, reach
my normal line. It’s far above the sickness I experienced now. I believe, God
knows more about what I feel now and what will I see in the next seconds I
live. And I keep in mind that I can. I can survive from this all. No matter how
long did it takes, I don’t care because God has something special implicit from
this illness all. It will not given now, but next time, I will get what I have
to get and others don’t.
By : Bintang Rajasanegara, 12-12-12
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