12-12-12

Wednesday, December 12^th 2012

12-12-12

Special repeating day. Yeah, this is the last day of having the same date, month and year or might be either hours, minutes, and seconds. This irreplaceable day should be colored by the unforgettable memories also. Full of joy and happiness. No more pain, apprehensive, anxiety and such a being alone feeling. None people has a willingness to fulfill this day by having a serious problem either with their friend’s or their couple’s –if they have it-. Everybody wants the best. Nothing could be compare with what they feel. Worry and being afraid have been utterly blocked by the receptor neuron before those feeling arrived at the brain as the main control of the system. Their heart regularly will beat faster and cause a feeling of fully excited in their mind. Shallow heart has been replaced by the new one, which always shine its light and reinforce the owner suddenly when darkness wraps theirs. 

All above what I explain there are my wish for this great day. No pain anymore. But, neither some affections or love feeling I feel, painful and itchy around my body hug me tightly instead. I do never hope for this, swear. But, God knows more about me. His gift today made me remember of Him more than the day before today. I prayed more to The One that I can count on only for my better condition. The One that I always grateful to because of my colorful day He deserve to me every day. What I feel now has made me could not enjoy this valuable time with my beloved roommate. I do really miss them. But this itch are the resistance! It keeps me apart from them. Isolated. No physically contact either by things or skin directly. I got such a skin problem seriously this day. Doctor has decided it in a piece of paper, called receipt, some medicines as the solution of my whole worry in all around of my body. This situation has turned my usually mood, feeling excited and greatly happy, into something bad I do never want to deserve it. Depressed, stressed and bored are the one who surround me this time. As I told you before, I have to live with this feel today. 

Out there, I see pupils released their enjoyment and no more shed of tears colored their face. Running and chasing each other, they don’t know what I feel. I’d like to join with them just to free my mind from any apprehension accompany me along this day. This itchy has done it. It always shadowed me whenever and wherever I belong. Neither seconds I take my breath without its present. I need a great struggle to keep me strong from its effect I could not refuse. My time is running out by thinking of it and trying to leave all of this amazing itchy. I want to be free, free from its effect, free from everything that has made this day become such a nightmare for me. The darkest nightmare I ever did. Please, I need someone who is able to provide their hands to lift up my heart from its dark and deepest depressing. Someone who is able to raise me up, reach my normal line. It’s far above the sickness I experienced now. I believe, God knows more about what I feel now and what will I see in the next seconds I live. And I keep in mind that I can. I can survive from this all. No matter how long did it takes, I don’t care because God has something special implicit from this illness all. It will not given now, but next time, I will get what I have to get and others don’t.

By : Bintang Rajasanegara, 12-12-12

Where'd you go?

Education. One thing humans cannot live without. It is a depending factor for us throughout our phase of life. We cannot let it out from our past and exclude it from the plans of future. This important thing also affected in a daily life, especially it started from childhood to teenage. Also in the business world, we would be asked about our vitae and the education history we have taken. Neither rich nor poor, education will lift us up as it grows and spread its branches of knowledge. It will brings people together to touch the sky and reach their dream. By education, everything has been founded. So, can you imagine how important the education itself for ya? 

That’s my question to myself. I’ve realized it deeply just about when I was here, noted as a scholar and gathered with other recipient from all above the east java. It was nearby this year, I understood more and care much about how important the education for my future when we have to compete for the best one. None wants to be the worse. That’s life. Everybody try to fulfill their needs and wants as much as possible then they take care of others. I had the same problem while I knew that, I was not ready enough to encounter my spotless future unequipped. 

The two last year, truly I never do everything maximally cause of lack competitor. I just took everything easy and never mind the things I didn’t care of. No matter how hard I study, I just set it as my daily routine and do never take any purposes of doing thus all. I just would study If only there will such a exam or test. I just let them flow on my way without keen on them anymore. Fortunately, I’m not the typical person who is difficult when told about something. I could easily understand the things my teacher told to me. That’s what makes me more confident about facing the next day with no purposes. I just still keep my mind on these particular points of view. 

But now, the world has opened my mind widely. It seems like my life is inversely rotate to be better. There’s no logical reason I can explain. But, the power of motivation has started everything from the beginning of my beautiful life. I considered how important it is for my plans. I’m the one who responsible for this whether success or could be even worse. No matter how dirty my past is, but I believe that my future is still spotless and ready to be counted on. Now, I’m ready to face any obstacles try to block my way. I guarantee that everything began from the willpower from our self. If we have prepared everything well and set the goal, we will be forced to reach it no matter how hard it will take and how long it will be. 

It started this year. I was in an amazing class consist of the stars of the show. They are not an ordinary people who can be underestimated by us. They have a strong willingness also to compete and achieve the goal together with us. This is one of my external motivations why I need more power to push myself to study harder than ever to be as shine as the stars on the beauty sky. I realized that I’m just a fledgling with bleak plans. But, I was born not to be the loser, I have to fight for it and be the winner even though I know it will be this hard. Nobody says it will easy. And I started by sow the seed of the goal in my mind. I set them as my remembrance toward my success. I will be motivated by them because they will never let me forget every inch of them. They always there and everywhere I belong. They are the one who always accompany me either in good or bad times. Yeah, the goal and the fire I have set were burned furiously and ready to encounter any challenges ahead. 

Now, I have a real dream that can be computed soon. I want to take my university life abroad and far above my previous hope. I’d be glad to know that I could study there no matter how could I get there. Impossible is nothing. That’s the law. I believe that this world belongs to them who want to fight for their glory upon their sacrifice. Feeling satisfied but guilty as hell won’t be announced anymore because everybody has fight for their dreams and they have been falling too much throughout their journey. Now, I will try to study more about what I need to be there and the qualification needed when I want to apply. Not only for the administration, but also include in the preparations. I’d be glad to know if I have more spare time between this crowded times to enrich my vocabulary and improve my grammar by do more practice and ask for guide to the experienced senior. But, above all, all I need to do is trying so hard to make all those fairy tales comes true. I don’t care how my friends laugh at me about how crazy my plans to get there. But I believe that God always has a special present for us later, after we try and obviously pray and ask for help to Him. Just keep your dream 5 cm ahead from your forehead to remember you about your future and what you have to do to reach it. –quotations from 5 cm the movie

Happy New Year!

New years, new hope and new change. That’s what I expect in the present. In the previous years, some of my plans were stored too long and it was out of order when the time it launched. As the analogy, my plans were a packaged of fresh fruit that is ready to be consume. While I waited for the right moment, sometimes I bought the new ones and store the old ones on the refrigerator. I left them for a long time while my business made me busy. As the time went by, I was ready to prepare my fresh fruit to be announced and applied. But, biology still worked out. The fresh fruit became so frown and shrink.  I was so disappointed and felt so stupid for what should I did. It has happened and it was irreversible. That’s life! I don’t want to repeat what have gone wrong at past, especially in my inner spirit. 

Sometimes, mood could be control by emotion and everything matters to us. But, as long as you keep handling your faith tightly and believe you can survive, nothing can exterminate you. You must have something you can set it as your goal, vision or purpose. They can lead you to reach what you want, do something so that you can reach them. Stick them in your head and focus on it. By having those specific target, we will concern to them and struggle so hard to realizing it. Also don’t forget to believe yourself and keep moving forward. That’s the key of being success in my own life. 

No matter how dirty our past is. But our future is still spotless. Spending today complaining about yesterday won’t make tomorrow any better. We have to struggle to ease any bad thoughts about our past, and walk ahead to the future with what we have. It seems so difficult and impossible to reach while we have nothing and we have a big dream. That’s why we need to work hard even if it’s only a little. It’s much more better than those we never tried to realize their dream. You will always remembrance by it and keep walking to it. As you sacrifice all for it, you will see that your dream will get much closer that anyone else. When you have already own it, you have to do your best in every chance because life is not a game with an end, it’s a never lasting journey to be travelled.

 I swear that I can go on forever, please let me know that my one bad day will end

Every ending of this life has a new beginning. We will open the new pages of our spotless paper and paint it with our path. In this 2013, I’d love to apply what I’ve planned before. I’ll do my best in every chance because life has no second chances. I know I will miss every chance I don’t take. So I will put in my best in everything I do because we’ll never know what will happen.  No matter how hard the challenge is, I will never know till I have tried. I’d like to do more listen and to be listened.  And I believe that life begins at the end of my comfort zones.